When I See You Again
by Rima Akien
Summary: After their up and down relationship schizophrenic Kairi gets one last chance to meet the one that got away; and this time Roxas isn't just haunting her in her memories, he is up on stage performing their song. What is she going to do when she is faced with him again?


_"Kairi, don't walk away from this. Don't do this. I love you. I always have." Roxas stared down at the wide eyed girl, her pixie frame in his shadow. She was whimpering as she cried. "Please just… tell me that you love me just like you always do."  
_

_ Kairi was so scared of being hurt again. She was afraid of her parents who had found their conversations and threatened everything under the sun if she didn't break off all ties with him. With the danger and fear all balled up into knots inside of her chest, her own insecurities sealed their fate. Sexual tension and eminent lust was obvious between them but lately they had become more and more embodied in those carnal desires than they had in their love; the acts were beginning to overshadow the love she remembered being from months ago; when they were still just so deeply in love with each other._

_"I don't know, Roxas. I just don't know." She whimpered looking away from his bright eyes. She knew if she looked into his eyes she would break. She would fall right back into his arms. Kairi knew if she didn't do this now, she never would._

_"How can you say that? How can you say you don't know if you love me?!" He was yelling now, making her curl more into herself. Kairi could feel the plea he was calling to her; the cry for her to tell him the truth that she was keeping from him of everything that was pulling her farther and farther away from him. Kairi could feel the three words in her throat caught by resolve, held hostage by the mangled sobs that raked through her. How was she to tell him she loved him but she was scared, that it was dangerous for both of them to be together?_

_He reached out for her, taking her arm into his grasp. Looking up she saw the pain in his eyes through the blur of salt water tears that dared to brim over. But she couldn't do this. She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her head. She could feel the paths of his sexual hands ghost over her skin all over again, like so many men who had taken the same trail while she cried out no. Kairi could feel her heart wring in her chest; her heart broke in that moment. _

_Pulling away her arm, Kairi looked down and shook her head. "I can't. I can't do this… I have to go home. I'm late." Running home she knew that would be the last time she would see him, the last time she could speak to him as his love, as his girl, his one and only._

_"Kairi!"_

"Kairi!" Snapping her head up Kairi looked up at Riku, his face hard as he watched her. He knew of her troubles to stay in reality and not lost in her own head, or seeing things that aren't really there. Even now, behind the form of his body there were blinking eyes of yellow monsters colliding on the dance floor. "Are you okay?" He asked with concern, his arm winding around her and keeping her close. In his arms she may have felt the tiniest of bits better but nothing ever dispersed.

Shaking her head, snapping herself into what was now and not then. Looking around at the club she regained focus; the bump of the music pounding on the whole room and its residents, the mass of swaying bodies dancing in mobs, the stale smell of liquor from behind the bar they were seated at. Looking back at Riku, with his bright eyes and kind face, and offered up a smile. "Yes. I'm okay." Bashfully she scratched her rounded cheek. "Sorry." Kairi felt his arms bring her even closer to him.

"It's okay, babe." Nuzzling the crown of her head, Kairi could feel the smile on his face and he did this; her heart ached. Why was she remembering _him_, after so many months of his absence in her life, when she had this wonderful guy standing right next to her? When she had a man who loved her so incredibly much and would do anything for her in a heartbeat? Kairi looked away from him as he spoke with his best friend Wakka at his side, she felt her eyes burn with tears that she dared not let arise; whether from the memory of Roxas prancing through her mind or from her betrayal to yet another whom she could not love with her whole heart, she did not know. "We should be going up on stage in two more acts." Riku said as he looked down at the auburn haired girl with eager eyes.

Forcing her mind away from her own troubles, her own selfish memories and the hopping visions of frogs on the bar that were not really there, Kairi focuses on Riku, who should be the love of her life. "I'm so excited. Now I get to see you dance on a stage, where there is no pole for you to be a stripper!" She teased, squealing with laughter as he attacked her sides, tickling her with a huff.

"I am not a stripper!" She growled deep in his chest, animated eyes giving away his playfulness despite the pout on his lips.

"You do pole tricks on the train for singles." She reasoned with him, her hands finally swatting away his as she desperately sought air for her deprived lungs.

_"You would be a sexy stripper, though." Roxas replied cheekily, winking at her. Kairi's face flushed deeply as she simply returned to her paper._

_"Forget I said anything. I won't be a stripper, I'll just figure out how to get through school- even with all this damn math." She could hear him laugh chiming._

His laugh was a bellow before croaking off to be gasps and hiccups of air as his sides clutched onto air he was depriving them of. Looking up at Riku, Kairi once more had to mentally rid herself of the blonde whose smile was still radiant the back of her head. There were floating bunnies made of dust giggling at her struggle to remain in reality; swirling in the air leaving trails of musk in their wake. Riku's green eyes captured hers once more as he stepped closer to her. "I love you." The silver haired man said as he kept her in the cage of his arms.

"_I love you." Those blue eyes held hers with innocent restraint, keeping her there by her own will; the allure and pull like the moon to the tide, was enough to bring her closer to him and have it still not be enough._

"I love you too." Who was she responding to? Kairi looked at Riku and felt her heart clench. She was an evil person, a horrible person…

'_You're a bitch. I should have known it would never work out with you. It never has and that was for a reason. You're selfish and conceited and leaving my ex for you was the worst mistake I ever made second only to loving you.' Kairi stared at the words on the computer screen, a gaping hole in her chest. She couldn't even feel the tears on her face. She wanted to be mad at him, she wanted to hate him for what he said. But she didn't. He didn't know what was happening behind the curtain; so instead she disappeared like the wizard of Oz and in a black of smoke she disappeared from his life by simply clicking delete._

"So what routine are you guys doing tonight?" She was distracting herself, like she always has, from the heartache in her chest. Talking to Riku he has always been the best distraction; little by little though it has started to work less and less.

"You'll see when we get up there." Riku teased, keeping his arms around her waist as he went back to talking to Wakka, cheering when Tidus walked in. They did some odd secret handshake that perhaps took more time then Kairi would ever bother to memorize. Looking on stage there was a DJ there performing for his first time, and he seemed pretty good. The green eyed girl wasn't really listening to the music but everyone who was seemed to be having a good time listening.

"_When they get in the way of playing your music that's when it crosses the line." Kairi said as she giggled as the blonde shrugged unashamed._

"_Well that, and the fact that I didn't love her."_

"_Oh? And who do you love?" She said, peeking up at him through the feather of her lashes._

"_She's a beautiful girl; she is sweet and caring. She can get both of us riled up but in the end we always come back together. Because she means everything to me. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her. We understand each other." Roxas stared down at her with his blue eyes soft and captivating._

_Kairi's heart had done back flips as he looked at her that way; oh, how she has missed that look in his eye. "You make her sound pretty amazing."_

"_That's because she is."_

"Give it up for DJ Turk's first performance her at MUD!" Kairi looked up to see the DJ gone, his turntable pushed back as an entire band set was being moved in. Putting them into place were hopping short pink and green monsters; their teeth were large and their overbite extended for a good four inches. Looking up at the corner of her eye, she saw Riku busy chatting with his friends, so she turned to the bar and saw his drink resting there. Snatching it from the cherry wood, she shot it down as the liquor burned her throat.

_She stared at the picture of him, his blonde hair and his blue eyes, an image she has missed since they parted. She missed him so much. And as she stared at the picture something catches her eye. His hand held up the hand sign for 'I love you.' It was something she had taught him. And though it had made her cry, these tears were different; these tears were happy. Because somewhere, in his mind, he still remembered her. This picture was plastered over his Facebook page and everyone could see. She shouldn't be looking. She should be moving on. Kairi and Roxas were supposed to be happier than they could have ever been now that they have parted separate ways. But she missed him…_

"Damn, Baby. You gulped that." Riku noted as he nuzzled the crook of her neck. "You okay?"

"Oh yeah, definitely." Kairi responded without even thinking. Of course, she wasn't okay. She never really has been, now has she? But she didn't need people to worry about something that cannot change. She learned that the hard way.

"_Stop this! Don't! Roxas, please!" Kairi was crying as she called to him from the platform. She called for him as he stood at the subway's yellow line. He was threatening his life and she couldn't handle a world were he did not at least exist._

"Good… Seems like a band is going up."

"Yeah." The auburn haired girl responded monotonously.

_It was the first time they had met up since their first break up. The first time they had seen each other since June, it was now October. And while she waited for him to arrive her heart was speeding a million miles a minute. She imaged that he would be completely different; he wouldn't be the same boy she remembered. She imagined her sitting here for hours and he would never show, stand her up and give her a reason to move on. She could think of every bad thing and every good reason to leave. But her heart wouldn't let her feet move. _

_Finally, after what seemed like many more months, she looked up to find his jogging form headed straight for her. He smiled as he spotted her and he sped up just a little bit more. Stopping three feet away, he stared at her. Kairi looked into his eyes as he looked back, both not knowing what to say for the first time. They were supposed to just be friends; they could do that right? "Hi." After two months of heartbreak, tears and nightmares all he had to say when they saw each other again was 'hi.'_

"_Hi." She chirped back, she didn't even mind. _

"_Can I give you a hug?" There was tension thick enough to cut, where they were not sure if there were to be physical contact or what was right to do or not. She need not answer because as he opened his arms for her, she saw the place where she use to lay and fall to sleep, where she had always thought she was meant to be. She was in his arms in an instant without needing to think. Kairi and Roxas held each other tight, she was small against his chest and he was lanky like always. The blonde buried his face in her hair, smiling to himself, as she smiled into his chest. How could something like this be so wrong?_

_They sat down and spoke for hours, bringing up memories and updating the other on their lives since the summer. She had thought she didn't have much to tell, but apparently she did, because though she spent the summer as a zombie she had taken in enough to talk about. He was happy as he spoke about the college life he has begun, starting the journey of life for the first time. Roxas was different from what she was hoping while she was waiting- he was exactly the same boy she has always loved._

"_I want to do something… And I don't want you to hate me for doing it." Roxas admitted to her as he looked at her sideways from their seats on the wall beside the tall stairs of Mt. Eden Avenue. Kairi was confused and curious, but she knew she could never hate him- not truly._

"_Ummm… What is it?" She asked him, her heart in her throat. But he did not respond, there was only a moment where she saw him lean in and watch her expression as he brushed her hair from her face, resting his palm on her check, as he captured her lips with his. There was a moment of shock before her eyes fluttered closed as she kissed him back. How could something so magical be wrong?_

"Everyone welcome to the stage the up and coming rock band; 'Known As The Last!'" Looking up her heart was still in her throat but he was not kissing her, and there were different hands interlocked with hers. But she knew that name all too well. Kairi knew the band all too well. Up on stage, she swore she saw him; the boy who could always take her breath away.

And there in that moment all the bad things went away; the monsters became audience members, the daunting grandfather clock with tentacles became the bartender and just about every slithering snake at her feet evaporated away. For the first time in a long time, she saw nothing but reality. And on stage, though she swore it a mirage, stood the handsome blonde with bright blue eyes and wide toothy grin that made her want to break out in a mirrored one and cry all at the same time. And suddenly Kairi was remembering everything…

_The rain was pelting them, her clothes getting soaked, but neither of them cared as he picked her up and spun her in his arms, pulling her closer to kiss her in the pouring rain, right in the middle of the blacktop behind their high school. "Get in here, you idiots!" Leo called to them from the safety of the open doorway to the basement's music room. They laughed as they held each other's hand and returned with squishing shoes._

"_Now that sounds right." Their mentor said; he was their favorite teacher and always offered them advice. So, to them, it was only right they tell him about their new relationship. They both smiled at each other with pink cheeks. At least his reaction wasn't a call to the heavens screaming 'finally.' Apparently everyone was just waiting for this to happen. They weren't the only ones who knew they were meant to be together._

_They met at the very back of the 149__th__ Street and Grand Concourse station, like they always have, except this time it was Valentine's Day, and she was jumping with joy. In her bag she held her mushy little poem that took her hours to write perfectly. And when she saw him, nothing mattered at all as she collapsed into his welcoming arms. This was all she needed. However, the big blue fluffy bunny he gave her was a plus. Kairi squealed as she hugged it tight. She knew she would be sleeping with it whenever she missed him- which was always._

"_So, someone told me you like me." Roxas told her as they were on the train, her face was flushed as she looked away and she could feel her cheeks burning. Kairi dared not return his gaze. She dared not answer._

_As they ran away from the two hooded figures, the silver gun still gleaming in each of their hands, Kairi could feel her heart racing. But it ached even more when she turned to her lover, running at her side, with his hand enclosing hers. "I kept you safe." He declared as they ran. His smile was wide and triumphant, as the river of blood spilled down his forehead from the gash that would surely need stitches. Kairi knew without a doubt he loved her; because he had just saved her life while risking his own._

"_Kairi!" Roxas called out as she ran away from him, back to her home, where Kairi would cry herself to sleep for the first night of many, many more to come._

She stared up at him on stage with his brilliant blonde hair and the blue eyes she couldn't quite see from her point of view, but she knew all too well that they were there. Strumming a few chords she knew the words before he began the tempo on his bass- she knew their song anywhere.

"Let's try to remember those days back in December, in our lives were very different, I was lonely when we first met…"

Feeling tears on her cheek, she did not know when she had let them shed, and though through the crowd she knew he could not really see her, she could almost swear that Roxas had looked her right in the eye as he plucked at his bass.

"_Kairi, it's still a type of guitar." Roxas whined and she shook her head, giving in to defeat. He was right after all, she just liked being stubborn._

As they continued one song after the next, the more and more Kairi was entranced. "Kai?" Snapping her head toward Riku, who she had honestly forgotten was there, she became irked with him right away. That was a nickname she had reserved for Roxas, only. And she did not like anyone other than him and her family calling her that. But she could never explain that to her new boyfriend, so she let it be. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine." Kairi responded blandly, snapping at him before turning back to watch her ex-boyfriend playing on stage right in front of her. She was a horrible person. As their set ended, the auburn haired girl had escaped from her boyfriend's clutch as she gravitated toward the side of the stage where the band would emerge once off stage.

The crowd was cheering, her heart was racing. Her vision was getting foggy, and her nerves were wired. She was so scared. And when she saw him walk past she could not reach out for him. Kairi could not grab his attention.

His smile was so big upon his face, just like it had been all those months ago, two years prior to this very moment, when they had first met; the smile that lit up the room and caught her heart. He was so happy. And she wanted to be happy for him. So Kairi stood there in the massive cheering crowd, among their many soon to be fans, and watched as he went from obtainable ex-boyfriend to the one that got away without even batting one of her fluttering black eyelashes, tears running down her face as she admitted- maybe it was better this way.

_"I love you, Kairi."_

"I love you too, Roxas."


End file.
